If I Had a Drill

empty speech bubbleThe following is a slightly enhanced conversation with my DH.

“Dude, what ya lookin’ for?”

DH rummaging and walking around in spiraling circles says, “I had a 400-piece drill set and I can’t find it. You don’t think someone came into the breezeway and took it?”

“I didn’t know you had a drill set. When did that happen?”

“I won it, a few months ago.”

“You won a 400-piece drill set and didn’t tell me? Where did you win a drill set?”

“I put in on a raffle down at Dotty’s.”

“You were gambling? Two months ago?”

“Well, it was a raffle. Yes,” he looked at my feet, “I was droppin’ a few quarters.”

“I can’t even look at you straight on. What were you going to drill?”

“Found it. I feel silly, it was right there.”

My DH gets beady eyed over using a hammer and now that the drill bits had been recovered the conversation went into question and answer period. Ask my daughter, I can drive a person into the shallow end with my questions.

“What are you going to drill? Do we even have a drill?”Clipart of a Drill

“Yes, we have a drill I bought one the year of the hail storm when I had to scuff the paint off the windows to repaint.”

“Okay, I remember that. What are you planning to do?”

“Nothing. But I could turn our house into Swiss cheese with all of these bits.”

I thought we were finished when in he comes with a huge box of drill bits. It does indeed contain 400 bits.

“We can, to quote Sarah Palin,”Drill baby Drill.””

He let me take a photo of the label and missed or ignored my Sarah Palin impersonation.

There are bits that turn all kinds of screws.

doorknobThere are some bits that make the big holes for doorknobs.

“Let’s put a doorknob through the floor. People could come over, try to turn it.. contemplate what might have been going through our minds when we put it in.”

“No, we are not going to put a doorknob in the hardwood floor.”

“You know that song, If I Had a Hammer? We can do that, only with If I Had a Drill.”

DH does not want to do this either.

“You can’t have a drill set this huge and not use it. It is wrong. I want to drill. Nik works at a lumber yard, when he comes to pick up Jeepers I can ask him to bring us something to drill.”

DH doesn’t comment on this idea either. Maybe, he doesn’t ‘get’ me.

Cross Section Fracking Rig“We can drill for water, drill for oil, drill for the sake of having a drill.”

No reply.

“We could try fracking.”

I realized at this point my audience was in another room watching tv.

What would you do with a 400-piece drill set?

By Sally

Sally Franklin Christie Blogger and Author of If I Should Die and Milk Carton People.


    1. My SIL came to pick up the kids and he asked about the doorknobbery. I asked why he didn’t show up with wood.. stop laughing!

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