Fiction Friday – Smoke House – Pork and Worms

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Smoke house? Did someone say smoke house?


I belonged to a family who had smoked meat for at least as long as the haunted house claims to have had ghosts.

I am shamelessly made of wood. Seems to be nonsense, a smoke house, smoke, fire, get it? Being made of wood. I might fall prey to self consumption.

Come on, don’t everybody laugh at once.

Smoke houses are very popular among end-timers. I can be re created from an old refrigerator but by the time you strip out all of the plastic and build it back up you have really spent too much time.

Smoke houses used to be a common place buildings.

Before refrigerators and freezers meat had to be kept from spoiling. If a farmer killed a cow or pig there was no way they were going to be able to consume it before it began to turn putrid.

There are still commercial smoke houses that have been around forever. If a smoke house isn’t cared for it will quickly become unsuitable, leaky, and moldy.

I’ve got to confess that I do not have the generations the haunted house has but I’ve occupied this patch of land for a long time.

I was let go between owners. I fell out of use with modern appliances and grocery stores.

Then some young couple of men bought the house and the out buildings. They rehabbed the house and finally got into the out buildings. I was taken down for mold and leaking and rebuilt of sterner and more modern stuff. They managed to rebuild me and keep the rustic look.

They got hold of some old book and plan on killing a pig this year. They seem very nervous about it. They have to salt it and do it just right. Larry is scared half to death of getting some kind of worm. Mike is very supportive and says he’d rather be strung up and salted himself before he let Larry catch a worm. Honestly, if Larry caught a worm, Mike wouldn’t be able to get away from him fast enough. Larry with worms would be a real deal breaker.

Anyway, if I understand it right, they have to let the pork dry in salt for about six weeks before they even think of stoking a fire inside me.

There is supposed to be some sort of nasty liquid that will ooze out of the salted pork and they won’t be using it for anything.

Getting the temperature and the smoke just right is going to be a certain problem. If Larry is afraid of worms and Mike can’t get away fast enough, I’d be okay if they just let me stand here. I really think they should buy the ham already done and just tell guests I am a smoke house capable of smoking.

But, here I am, a newly redone smoke house put right over the footprint my original house took up. I am made of wood but if the guys get it right they won’t be building a crazy bon fire inside. Pork and worms.

You know it just occurred to me.. where are two guys like Larry and Mike going to get a pig to slaughter and is it Larry or Mike who is going to deal the final blow?

You know, the more I think about this, the more certain I am that I am not going to be called into service this year and probably not the next.

I dropped the topic of the end-timers. When the end of the world as we know it arrives, there are a group of people who are planning for the end of days. They will have to know how to preserve their food and smoking is their best option. In the 1950s there were bomb shelters hidden in back yards. Don’t kid yourself, things haven’t changed all that much. Are you ready?

Smoke House

By Sally

Sally Franklin Christie Blogger and Author of If I Should Die and Milk Carton People.