Ban Bad Patterns! Stop the Celtic Cable Lady!

I am a ‘project’ person.

Novels, paintings, gluing shells and glass pebbles to the bathroom wall, collecting January Issues of Sky and Telescope and Astronomy Magazine with various crocheted table clothes, rugs and afghans are scattered around my house. Ending a project is always followed by starting a project.

Last week I completed a thread tablecloth I worked on for over a year. I save the dreadful weaving in of the ends until the project is nearly done. I think this hateful task is a great way to wind down a long term craft idea. By the time I make the last little snip, type the words ‘the end,’ wash out that paintbrush, I am ready to move onto something new.

A project person is slightly different than a creative person who goes into artful crafts with an open mind who is willing to let the paints, characters and yarn have a huge free for all. A project person likes to see the end product. Then she needs the map, the step by step instructions, the go-finder.

When the go-finder is wrong, well that is enough to make this project person want to go rapping on the creator’s door and ask or demand to know what is up with that!

This weekend I learned that a crochet pattern that indicates the skill level involved in working the project is called a full four bar ‘experienced,’ it really indicates the frustration level when hours later, after ripping out rows of work, counting, reworking, counting, ripping, counting, marking things in colored ink, into insanity.

Do not attempt this pattern at Home!

The pattern cannot be wrong. I insist, I am going to be careful and like a computer program, I am going to do only what the instructions indicate. There is no way they can present pages of instruction and beautiful photos of the finished product only to present me – the project person – with errors!

If anyone knows the creator of Celtic Cables by Joyce Nordstrom, please give her the heads up that if I can find her I will take her TLC Essentials medium (worsted) weight yarn and her size I/9/5.5 crochet hook or size needed to obtain gauge out to the nearest dumpster and forbid her to share any of her patterns from now until I get over it.

By Sally

Sally Franklin Christie Blogger and Author of If I Should Die and Milk Carton People.